I am a regret mom. I allowed my doctor to torture my son so that he could make a profit, and I will never forgive myself.
I "researched" circumcision when I was pregnant. I saw the claims that it was cleaner, prevented UTIs and cancer, and I believed them. I thought, "I don't know any men who are intact. I don't know any men that get UTIs or have penile cancer so this must work. And doctors take an oath to do no harm, so if my doctor is this adamant that it's necessary, it must be."
My mom has been a nurse for 40 years and has assisted on dozens of circs. She says it's necessary and isn't so bad.
My husband wants to prevent cancer/UTIs and doesn't want our son teased in the locker room.
My babysitter wouldn't watch him if he wasn't circ'd because she's heard it's "dirty" and there are ZERO other daycare openings for newborns in the area.
My gut said no, but everyone and everything else said yes.
My son was born – and we had to stay more than 24 hours because he was born at 10 pm. When my boy was almost 24 hours old, my husband asked when they would do the circ, and they said not until right before we were discharged. I asked why. Nobody gave me an answer, and my stomach churned.
The next day as they were preparing our discharge paperwork, my doctor came to get my son. I felt panic and looked around the room to tell my husband I couldn't do it, but he was gone to eat lunch. My doctor told me again how necessary it was, and I reluctantly let him take my son.
An Entirely Different Baby
When he was brought back, he was an entirely different baby. The light in his eyes was gone. 15 minutes later, they came in to say that they forgot to weigh him while he was naked, so I needed to undress him and remove his diaper so they could weigh him now. I did – and the gauze came off, too.
It was a horrific sight.
It was purple, swollen, raw and bleeding. It was bleeding so much. I was already crying, and at that point it turned into sobbing. I was devastated at what I had allow them to do to him. He was screaming this awful, distressed scream. The word "scream" doesn't even describe the noise coming out of my son's mouth. The nurse said all that blood was normal. I asked what I could do to help him, and she said nothing. NOTHING!
This was insanity. Horror. Surely I was just having a nightmare. I am a good mom. I am a crunchy, gentle attachment parent. I breastfeed, and I don't allow my children to cry unnecessarily. I protect my children. I spend every moment possible with my children. I put them before my needs. Always. Surely I couldn't have signed papers and let them do this to my baby.
He stopped breastfeeding. He was agitated. His sleep was restless and broken. They sent us home with my son in shock and distressed and told us we could do nothing to help him. 18 hours later he still wasn't breastfeeding. He hadn't peed or pooped and he was so jaundiced. We ended up in the ER. The nurse looked at me like I was crazy, said he was fine, and asked "do you really want me to call the doctor in for this?" My newborn baby hadn't eaten well, peed, or pooped in 18 hours – and she acted like I was crazy for being so concerned.
I was shocked and disgusted. I knew we had made the wrong decision and nobody would help my child.
A few weeks later that daycare lady that said she wouldn't watch an uncircumcised boy called me to say she was closing her daycare.
A year later I found out that they hadn't hardly taught my mom, the nurse for 40 years, anything about the intact penis. She had no idea that the foreskin was fused to the head of the penis at birth. I had to find reputable resources to get her to believe me.
Then I found you guys, and my world came crashing down. I found that the reasons for which I thought I needed to circ my son were all lies. How had I let this happen? How was I bullied into not protecting my brand new son? Everything I knew, except my gut, said this was the right thing to do, and I found out that every last shred was wrong.
Skip forward to a few days ago. I ripped a tiny piece of my nail off the nail bed. It is raw, swollen, and so so excruciating every time the tiniest thing touches it. The foreskin is fused in the same way my fingernail was. This is a tiny piece of what my son felt. I bumped my finger on the corner of the counter and nearly blacked out. I had to pull the skin back from my son's circ and scrub poop and urine off his raw wound.
I nearly can't handle this pain and it doesn't begin to compare to what my brand new baby experienced. How did I let that happen to him?! I signed the papers and handed him over. I know I can't take this back. I will feel guilty for the rest of my life. Hands down, this was the worst mistake I have made as a parent.
This will never happen to another of my children, and I hope I can help prevent this from happening to other children.
I wish someone had told me the truth. I wish someone had educated me beyond the lies that I found and was fed. I wish someone had done more to help me save my son.